Oriana
by Shonetta
Summary: A fateful night on the Starship Oriana changes Janeway's life forever pre Voyager


**Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures**

**Oriana**  
**(PG)**

Heat. Smoke. Flames.

That was all Lieutenant Kathryn Janeway was aware of as she hurried alone down a burning corridor of the _USS_ _Oriana_. The ship had come under an unprovoked attack by the Cardassians and the Captain had been forced to crash land on a planet. Kathryn's skin felt as though it was on fire and every hot breath seared through her lungs like a flame. It was almost by instinct that she navigated herself to the emergency exit as the lights were blinking and her vision was clouded by black smoke. When at least she reached the door she fumbled for the emergency release button, hoping with all her might that it would open the door and extend a ladder to the ground beneath. It did. Coughing from the fumes, Kathryn looked out of the door and tried to see what was outside, but all she could see was blackness. It was clearly night on this uninhabited m-class planet they had crashed onto. Not having any choice in the matter, Kathryn climbed onto the ladder and blindly made her way down it, coughing still.

Down, down, down...

It seemed as though the ladder was never ending. Kathryn strained her eyes, desperately trying to see it's destination, but she could see nothing but darkness below. She was cold now. Her whole body was shivering from the freezing night temperature and the icy wind that swept through her thin body every now and then. Trying to descend the mountain of steps as quickly as she could, she almost fell off the ladder when she lowered her leg to another step only to find that there wasn't one. Clutching the ladder for dear life, she managed to maneuver herself back to the previous step and to safety. She looked down, trying to determine how far it was to the ground, but it was impossible to tell. If only she hadn't lost her tricorder in the attack...Then she saw something move beneath her, a ripple of light. She strained her eyes further and finally made out that the moving shape beneath her was water. They had landed, at least partly, in a lake or ocean.

Kathryn looked around, hoping to see someone, anyone, any sign of life or light, but she could see nothing. Holding onto the ladder with one hand, she hit her commbadge with the other.

"Janeway to Tarlis."

Yvonne Tarlis was the First Officer of this ship and seemed the most logical person to contact.

"Janeway to Tarlis," she said again when there was no reply. "Please respond."

To her relief, Tarlis answered, although her voice crackled from interference. "Lieutenant Janeway, where are you? Are you off the ship?"

"Yes and no. I'm trapped on an emergency ladder extending from deck 4. There's water underneath me but I can't see anything else. Where are you?"

"I'm still on the ship. We're going to try and..." A sudden loud explosion silenced her words.

For a moment Kathryn could hardly breathe. Then she found her voice. "Commander Tarlis?"

Nothing. Either communication had gone down or... No, she would think the first scenario.

A male voice suddenly called out to her.

"You up there. Hang on. Do not jump..."

Kathryn turned in the direction of the voice and found herself blinded by a torch light.

"Do not jump," the voice called again. "Stay where you are."

Kathryn clutched the ladder tighter, trying not to think what the danger was below. On an unexplored, unknown planet, it could be anything.

The light was nearer now, and in its glare, Kathryn made out the shape of two humanoids. They appeared to be on foot and one, the tallest one, was holding a torch. They were very close now and she could see that she was at least five feet above them.

"The water is shallow," the man continued. "If you jump, you will drop at least ten feet to the ground."

It wasn't terribly high, but it was high enough for a fall to be serious. In these conditions, even fatal.

"We will help you down," the man said, fixing the torch to his waist. "Ensign Barker will climb onto my shoulders and hold onto the ladder. Use our bodies to climb to the ground. Understood?"

Kathryn wasn't really in a position to argue so stated her understanding.

In no time at all, Barker was holding onto the ladder. As carefully as she could, Kathryn climbed down the bodies of the two sturdy men beneath her, and landed in freezing water that came up to her knees.

The two men separated and the one whose name she had yet to learn, held up the torch and studied her. "Are you injured?"

"No," Kathryn replied. "Nothing serious, anyway."

In the dim light she saw that the man was a Vulcan and that his colleague, Barker, was a Caucasian human with blonde hair.

"I'm Lieutenant Harvik," the Vulcan said. "This is Ensign Leo Barker."

"Thank you both for saving me," Kathryn answered. "I'm Kathryn Janeway. Lieutenant."

The Vulcan acknowledged her gratitude with a nod, and then turned around.

"Follow us, we will lead you to dry land."

The two men began to walk and Kathryn followed, questioning as she did.

"Are we in a lake or an ocean?"

"A lake," he replied. "We appear to be in a mountainous region."

"Commander Tarlis..." she said. "The Bridge crew...Have you heard anything? I was talking to her over the comm when there was an explosion and we lost contact. She said she was still on the ship."

"There have been several explosions and many are still on the ship."

Kathryn looked up at the enormous starship as they walked and saw red raw flames devour deck after deck, sending black smoke into the sky. There would be a number of fatalities, of that she was sure.

At last they reached dry land. Lieutenant Harvik lead Kathryn over to a group of people who had gathered together around a fire. They had a few med kits and emergency kits, but overall seemed to have very few supplies. The crash had happened so fast that there hadn't been any time to prepare for it. Everyone had been forced to scramble to safety in whatever way they could.

"There is no one else on the starboard side," Lieutenant Harvik said to a man Kathryn didn't recognize. "Any found on port?"

"The group hasn't returned yet," he replied.

Kathryn was shivering and wet and the man handed her a black blanket. "Take off your pants and take them to Lieutenant Martle. She will dry them. Then sit by the fire." He glanced at Harvik and Barker. "You too."

* * *

Wrapped in the thick thermal blanket, Kathryn gazed into the dancing flames of the fire before her. She was warm and dry now and rudimentary treatment by a fellow crew-member had alleviated the terrible burning in her throat and eyes from the black smoke that had choked her. Every now and then someone came to ask if she was okay, but otherwise she sat alone. She only knew a handful of people on the ship and didn't know anyone amongst this crowd.

Closing her eyes, she tried to force back the tears that were forming under her lashes. It had only been two years since the terrible crash that had killed her beloved father and Justin, and now here she was again at the scene of another disaster. When she had first joined Starfleet, she, like all other cadets, had been warned about the difficulties and the dangers of life in space, but the allure of exploring space had out dazzled the hazards. But she didn't know anymore if this was the kind of life she wanted. Perhaps it had been a mistake to come back to Starfleet after the accident. Perhaps she should have taken her mother's advice and joined a safe profession like teaching.

"Anyone got a working dermal regenerator?"

Kathryn looked up to her right and almost vacantly observed the male officer who had asked the question. He was half-Klingon, about forty years of age, and a Lieutenant. She didn't have a dermal regenerator. She didn't have anything except the blanket, what she was wearing, and her phaser.

"Anyone got a dermal regenerator?" The half-Klingon asked again. "We're got a seriously burned man over here."

Kathryn looked behind the lieutenant and saw the shape of a man lying on the ground. She couldn't see him clearly in the poor light, but from the little she could see of his lower body, he did seem to be badly burned.

No one seemed to have a dermal regenerator and the man gave up his quest. Kathryn watched for a while as he tried to treat the injured man, but then closed her eyes again and tried to imagine herself millions of miles away from this nightmare.

* * *

Voices were distant, far away like in a dream. Kathryn's head drooped slowly onto her knees as her body gave into sleep, only to be woken by a sharp prodding in her shoulder.

"Here, drink this."

Kathryn looked up to her right and saw a middle-aged human male officer standing over her, holding out a cup to her. There was considerably less people around the fire now. Only a handful in fact. Everyone had separated into small groups and had made camp around a fire of their own.

Kathryn took the cup hesitantly. "What is it?"

"Nutrimed," he said rather impatiently. "Quickly, drink up. I've got a lot of people to see to."

Kathryn downed the nutritious drink at that and then held the cup back out to him. "Thank you."

The man left her without a word and Kathryn watched him leave. He walked passed the burnt man who was lying only a few feet away from her, and made his way to a crowd of people who were gathered around one of the distant fires. Kathryn turned back to look at the burnt man and it suddenly came to her attention that he was unattended. She glanced around, hoping to see someone making their way towards him, but there was no one.

"Excuse me," she said to a small group of people who were sitting to her left, "isn't anyone attending the burnt man?"

"There's nothing we can do for him," the half-Klingon Lieutenant who had treated him earlier said. "We've done all we can."

Kathryn glanced back at the injured man. He was moving slightly and was clearly conscious.

"But he's injured...he needs attending to.."

"Then you attend to him," the lieutenant answered, his tone rather sharp. "But you'll be wasting your energy as he'll be dead before midnight."

At that the man turned back to his friends and continued to chat. Kathryn stared at them in disbelief. How could they turn their back on an injured colleague like that? Even if there was nothing they could do, how could they just leave him aside to die? Where was their humanity? Where was their compassion?

Disgusted by their attitude, Kathryn got to her feet and made her way over to the man. He was lying on his back on the ground, about four feet away from the fire, with not so much as a blanket around his shivering body. His face was badly burned, especially the left side which looked like a mesh of flesh. It was almost impossible to see his left eye beneath the bubbled flesh and most of his hair had been burnt away. Kathryn looked over the rest of him and saw that there were burns over most of his body. His left leg and arm were so badly burnt that his uniform had melted into his skin. Kathryn swallowed at the terrible sight and her heart went out to the poor man. She couldn't imagine the pain and suffering he was going through. Without a thought for her own well-being, she removed the blanket she had around herself, knelt between him and the fire, and put the blanket over him. She then looked down at him, trying to gauge his age, his race and rank. Rank was the easiest to determine as the pips at his collar told her he was a Lieutenant, just like herself, but age and race was difficult. If she had to guess, she would say he was in his early thirties, and a human of Asian, Hispanic or Native American origin, but he could also be Vulcan as his ears were so badly burnt and glued to his head that it was impossible to determine their shape.

"I'm Lieutenant Kathryn Janeway," she said as kindly as she could. "Can you hear me?"

There was no response.

"You've been badly burnt, but you're safe now. I'm going to take care of you."

She wasn't going to take the attitude of her heartless colleagues that there was nothing to be done and this man was going to die. He was alive at the moment, was conscious, and it wasn't as though they were in the Gamma or the Delta Quadrant. They were within hours of assistance, half a day at most, and if he could just hang on that long, there was every chance he could survive with proper medical care.

"Help will be here soon. You're going to be just fine."

Part of the man's upper right lip was singed, but the rest of his lips were intact and very dry. He could do with some water. She looked up and around. There had to be someone with water.

"I need some water," she said, trying her chances with her uncaring colleagues. "Who can I get some from?"

There was no reply.

Kathryn felt her anger and indignation rise. "I said I need some water!"

"Then you'll have to ask Commander Orlan," a human woman with long brown hair answered. "She's the one with supplies."

"Where is she?"

The woman gestured to a group of people gathered around the closest fire. "She's the tall Vulcan with black hair."

Kathryn's eyes found the woman, and she got to her feet. As quickly as she could she crossed the distance between them and asked her superior officer for some water. The Commander gave her a cup and told her to fill it with water from the lake. They had tested the water and it was pure enough to drink. Kathryn did as she was told and returned to her wounded crew-mate with a cup full of water.

"I've got you some water," she said, kneeling beside him. "You're dehydrating so I need you to drink as much as you can, understand?"

The man nodded, the action subtle.

Kathryn studied him a moment, thinking how to do this without spilling the water all over him.

"I'm going to lift you onto my lap. It will hurt, but you'll be better positioned to drink."

Kathryn put down the cup in her hand and then as gently as she could raised the man onto her lap. He murmured as pain surged through his body and Kathryn let him lie still for a moment before slotting her left arm around his neck and lifting up his head.

"I'm going to put the cup to your lips now. Drink as much as you can."

Carefully she raised the cup to his mouth and tilted it slightly. As the cool water touched the man's lips, he began to drink. Kathryn watched him and tilted the cup more as the water in it decreased. She imagined that every movement of his lips was causing him considerable pain. It could only be through sheer determination that he was managing this. He was clearly a brave man with a strong will to live.

"You're doing well," she said, trying to encourage him in whatever way she could. "Just a little more..."

The man continued to drink, and at last all the water was gone.

"Well done," Kathryn said as she withdrew the cup. "You did great." She put the cup down again. "Now, I'm going to lower you to the ground. I'll be as gentle as I can."

The man winced as she moved him, but then lay perfectly still and quiet.

"I can only speak for myself," she said, trying to say something, anything, that might comfort and distract him from the pain, "but this wasn't how I was expecting this exploration mission to end. A five day leisurely excursion to Vorlana Prime I was told. Battle with the Cardassians was not on the agenda."

The man made no reply, but she knew he was listening.

"I'm working on a project with Admiral Paris and he thought this trip would be worthwhile. I'm guessing you serve regularly on this ship? I'm not serving on a ship at the moment, not in a regular capacity."

The same officer who had given her a cup of nutrimed returned to the camp and began to speak as he approached.

"We've contacted _The Goliath_ and _The Olympia_ and they're both on their way to help us. They should be with us within six to eight hours. I suggest that everyone tries to stay awake, active, and alert, as we're in for a drop in temperature that could lead to fatal hypothermia after exposure and injury. But if you must sleep, then do so in pairs and preserve body heat in all the usual ways."

The officer then left and Kathryn looked down at the man beneath her.

"It won't be long now," she said as encouragingly as she could. "Ships are on their way."

* * *

Despite the heat of the roaring fire, the air was icy. Kathryn shivered violently as she sat between the flames and her wounded officer, and tried desperately to keep her mind focussed. She was cold, terribly cold, and every now and then blackness swirled before her eyes. But she couldn't give into it. This man was depending on her for survival and she couldn't let him down. Hugging her knees, she looked towards him. If she wasn't mistaken, he was shivering again too. It was hard to tell whether it was him or her vision. She sat up a little and put her hand to the unwounded flesh on his face. He was definitely shaking.

"You're cold too," she whispered. "We're going to have to preserve body heat." She had no idea whether he was still conscious, but she talked to him anyway. "I'm going to lie beside you. We'll both be warmer."

Carefully she lifted up the blanket that was covering him and then lay down beside him.

"This may hurt," she said as she lay her head on his chest and touched his body with her own, "but we must keep warm."

She put the blanket over them both as best as she could and then lay still. In the few years she had been in Starfleet, she had never been in a situation like this before where she had had to cuddle up beneath a blanket with a perfect stranger. She knew that it was a necessity if they were both going to survive, and doing what was practically necessary in a situation was something that came second nature to her, but she was surprised at how comfortable she felt lying so close to this man. She felt connected to him somehow, like lying here against his chest was the most natural place to be. The man's right hand moved, just a fraction, suggesting, perhaps, that he was still conscious. Almost instinctively, Kathryn put her hand over his and squeezed gently.

"They'll be here soon. We're going to get through this."

Faintly, ever so faintly, she felt the man squeeze her hand in return. Tears welled in Kathryn's eyes and she squeezed back.

* * *

Noise...something...something woke her up. Kathryn stirred against her patient and then came to full senses when she remembered where she was and what was happening. How could she have fallen asleep? How long had she been asleep? It was impossible to know.

She sat up slowly and looked down at the man beneath her. To her relief he was still breathing, but no thanks to her. She had tried to keep talking to him, to keep him awake, but she had clearly fallen asleep in the comforting warmth of his body and the blanket over them.

The man's lips were drying again and she reached for the cup. She had been to the lake several times to get water for them both and had tried to make sure there was a cupfull beside them at all times, but there was only a little water left in it now. But it was enough to moisten his mouth. She was just about to pour a little water on his lips when, to her horror, she realized he had stopped breathing.

"No," she said, tears filling her eyes. "You're not going to die on me."

As quickly as she could she opened his mouth and began to give him the kiss of life. When she had breathed air into his lungs, she began to pump his chest.

"Come on," she said, moving again to his lips, "stay with me."

She gave him all the air that she could muster, pumped his chest again, and was just about to breathe into his lungs once more when he gasped.

"That's it," Kathryn said, taking his right hand in hers. "Breathe...nice and easy...nice and easy..."

The man's breathing fell into a steady rhythm, and Kathryn began to relax. She picked up the cup and gently put it to his lips.

"This will moisten your lips."

Just as she was pouring the cold liquid onto his mouth, bright lights filled the sky. Kathryn looked up and saw what appeared to be the lights of a spacecraft above them.

"They're here," she said, looking down happily at the injured man. "They've come for us."

Blue lights of a transporter beam shone a few feet away from them and a team of Starfleet Officers materialized. Kathryn got to her feet and waved at them.

"Over here. Medical emergency."

A couple of black human male officers hurried over to her and assessed the situation. The elder one hit his commbadge and spoke.

"One male at my location to beam up. Medical emergency."

Almost instantly the wounded man disappeared and the blanket that had been adorning him fell to the ground.

The younger officer picked it up and put it over Kathryn's shoulders.

"I'm afraid there's a lot of casualties and we're a small ship and crew. We're having to prioritize."

"I understand," Kathryn replied. Although she was clearly in need of medical attention aswell, they only had the resources to deal with those who were at deaths door.

"But _The Goliath_ will be here any moment now," the man continued. "They have a crew of over a hundred. Just stay by this fire and keep warm."

"I will. Thank you."

She sat down again and watched as the two men left to check on other injured officers. Hugging her knees she huddled under the thick warm blanket and lay her head against it. On the soft fabric she could smell the poor burnt man she had looked after, and the smell brought her comfort, like he was still close in some way. He was safe now and had every chance of making it. Holding to that thought, she closed her eyes and finally let her body surrender to exhaustion.

* * *

Lights...bright...white...

Kathryn closed her eyes as white light momentarily blinded her. Then she opened them slowly and made out her surroundings as they adjusted to the brightness. She was in a medical place...a sickbay...Then it all came back to her. She had to be on _The Goliath._

"Welcome back," a friendly female voice said.

Kathryn looked in the direction of the voice and saw a female medic with short red-hair looking down at her.

"You're on the Federation Starship Goliath. You suffered some minor injuries and exposure, but you're going to be just fine."

"The man that was with me," Kathryn asked. "How is he?"

"I don't know," the medic answered. "But I can check if you give me a name."

"I don't know his name," Kathryn replied. "He was burnt, badly burnt."

"A lot of officers have been badly burnt. Without a name, I really can't find out anything about him. He may even be on _The Olympia_. A lot of injured people were taken there."

"Yes," Kathryn said, closing her eyes as her head hurt, "I remember now, he was taken there..."

"I'm sure you'll be able to find out something about him in a couple of days," the woman tried to reassure her. "In the mean time, try not to worry. You've been through quite an ordeal. You need to rest."

* * *

"I'm sorry," Commander Tarlis said sadly. "But without a name, I really can't help you find out what happened to this man."

Kathryn clenched her fist in both frustration and disappointment. For the past three days, that was all she had been told...that without a name, no one could tell her what had happened to the burnt man.

"But it can't be that hard to identify him," Kathryn argued. "He was a Lieutenant and I'd say human or vulcan about thirty years of age.

"Which fits the profile of many men injured or killed in the attack. Remember that we had over three hundred officers on board, many along for the excursion like yourself. Without a name it's impossible for me to tell you who he was."

"But if he was taken to _The Olympia_, that must narrow it down..."

"I'm afraid not. Dozens were transported there within a very short space of time, and many died within minutes of arrival. If this man was as badly injured as you say, the chances are he was amongst them." She paused, a little regretful of her frankness. "I'm sorry, Kathryn, but that's how it goes sometimes. In this profession we can save a life or take a life and never know the identify of the person. It's part of the job, something we have to accept, as difficult as it might be."

Kathryn knew that her commanding officer was right, but there was something about this man that she couldn't forget. She had helped save people in the past and afterwards had never sought out their identify, but there was something about this man that made her want to know. She felt as though she had bonded with him somehow, that he was no longer a stranger she could assign to oblivion in her memory. But perhaps she only felt that way because of everything they had been through together. If she had been his lifeline, he had been hers, and for those few hours on that cold and dark unknown planet, they had lay together, both of them giving life to the other.

"Or you can believe that he made it," Commander Tarlis said, seeing the pain on Kathryn's pale face. "With the lack of evidence one way or the other, why think the negative? If I was you, that's what I would do. I would believe that he made it and get on with my life."

Kathryn nodded. "You're right.I just...I care about what happened to him." Her tone hardened."But I'm not supposed to care, am I? I'm supposed to just forget about what happened and move on to the next disaster next week."

Commander Tarlis looked at Kathryn in concern. She knew all about the accident that had killed her father and fiance, Admiral Janeway had been well-known and admired and his death widely considered a great loss. This young lieutenant looked pale and drawn and the dark rings around her eyes were more than a few days old.

"Are you having doubts about your future in Starfleet?" The woman asked kindly.

Kathryn hestitated, but then nodded. "I don't know if it's for me any more. All this fighting, death and destruction. What is it for? I joined Starfleet to explore space, not for all that."

Commander Tarlis got to her feet and put her hand on Kathryn's shoulder. "I think it would be a great shame if you left Starfleet.You're exceptionally intelligent, extremely dedicated, very principled, and you have huge compassion in your heart. You're a rare-breed of officer.You have everything it takes to be a great captain or admiral one day. I know that you've been through a difficult time lately and this incident can't have helped, but the reasons you joined Starfleet are good and proper ones and I wish we had more officers like you. If you leave, then I will say in all sincerity that we will lose a diamond." She paused. "What you did on the planet was commendable. You did everything you could to save a life. You have nothing to reproach yourself for. It's just unfortunate that in our profession we don't always get to know the consequences of our actions. It's just the way things are. What matters is that we do our best in every situation presented to us. Then, when we don't know the outcome of our actions, we have the peace of mind that we did the right thing. And you did the right thing, Kathryn. You're an exemplary officer and I hope I will have the privilege of serving with you in the future."

Kathryn smiled softly, her eyes suddenly very moist. "Thank you, Commander Tarlis. If I stay, I hope I have that privilege too."

* * *

**EPILOGUE**

**2378**

In the dying sun of an Irish late-summer evening, Kathryn Janeway stood on a little stone bridge and looked out at a winding river that flowed gently beneath it. She was wearing an elegant white lace cardigan over a knee-length dress of pale yellow, and her now shoulder length hair was swept up in a pretty bun. Turning away from the beautiful view, she looked to her left and studied a stone path that wound up to the remains of an ancient castle that was now a quaint restaurant. She was here to meet a man for dinner, a man whose life she had saved many years ago as a young Lieutenant, and any moment now he would arrive. Kathryn had no idea who this man was, but she was eager to find out. She had never forgotten him and had often wondered what had happened to him. Now, after almost twenty years, she finally would.

As Kathryn turned back to look at the winding river, she couldn't help think how ironic this whole thing was. After seven years in the Delta Quadrant she should have been surprised at nothing, but life still had a habit of amazing her. She had tried so hard all those years ago to find out the identity of the man she had saved, but to no avail. Yet, after causally telling B'Elanna and Tom the story over dinner only a week ago, her former chief engineer had managed to track down the man and had arranged this meeting. And, they were to meet in an Irish Gothic Castle of all places, a setting which apparently was his suggestion. Kathryn had almost begged B'Elanna to reveal the man's identity, but the half-Klingon would reveal nothing. She said she had promised the man she would let him introduce himself in person, and she wouldn't go back on her word.

Suddenly there were footsteps on the path behind her and Kathryn froze. Taking a deep breath, she summoned up her courage and turned to face the man whose identity had been a mystery for so long. When she saw him, standing before her in smart fawn pants and a soft white shirt that was open at the neck, her legs almost buckled beneath her.

"Chakotay..."

Her former First Officer smiled at her warmly. "Hello, Kathryn."

All Kathryn could do was stare at him. This couldn't be happening. She had to be dreaming. Chakotay's face couldn't have been the face behind that terrible charred mask in her memory. Either she was dreaming or this was a joke. But B'Elanna wouldn't play a cruel trick like this, of that she was certain, so she had to be dreaming. This had to be the figment of a romantic imagination. She wanted that man from so long ago to be Chakotay. She wanted him to be the man she loved.

Chakotay slowly closed the gap between them. "Thank you for saving my life."

For a moment, Kathryn could say nothing. Then she spoke. "I must be dreaming," she said quietly. "He can't have been you."

The brightness in Chakotay's eyes faded as he saw how pale Kathryn had suddenly become.

"Disappointed?" He asked sadly.

"No," Kathryn eagerly corrected. "I just..." Her words fell away as she looked into his eyes. There was total sincerity there. Sincerity, warmth...and pain. And the pain grounded her. If this was a dream, a figment of a romantic imagination, she would not see pain there. This had to be happening. It had to be real. "He was really you?"

Chakotay nodded. "Like you I was on the excursion. My regular post at that time was..."

"The Marble," Kathryn finished. She was well versed in his Starfleet history.

Chakotay nodded again. "I was caught up in an explosion when I tried to vacate the ship. I can remember climbing onto an escape  
ladder and seeing ground not far beneath me, but then there was a loud explosion and the next thing I remember is lying alone by a fire in  
terrible pain. I thought I was going to die, the pain was excruciating, but then I heard a woman talking to me and I tried to focus on her voice. It was difficult as sound was distant and muffled, but she was kind and gentle and her tone was soothing. She gave me water to drink, lay beside me even though I must have been horrible to look at, and when I stopped breathing she breathed life into my lungs. " He paused. "I wanted to thank her for all she had done for me, but I didn't know who she was. I asked those who had treated me if they knew, and several officers I was with before the explosion, but none of them did."

A tear ran down Kathryn's cheek and all she could do was draw him close.

"It really was you," she whispered. "Oh Chakotay..."

Chakotay returned her embrace and they held each other tight.

Kathryn closed her eyes and saw again the poor burnt man who had been so callously cast aside to die. It wrenched her heart to think it was Chakotay, her Chakotay, the man she loved with all her heart and soul. If she hadn't of been there, if she hadn't of helped him, then he would have died that night. There was no doubt about it. The thought of never having had this wonderful man in her life was unbearable.

"I once told B'Elanna all about that night," Chakotay continued. "When you told her your version of events last week, she remembered my story and told me what you'd said. All the pieces of the puzzle came together and I could hardly believe it. After all these years, after all we've been through..."

"I know," Kathryn replied. "It doesn't seem possible..."

She drew slightly away from him and gazed at him, studying his face as though she was looking at him for the first time. Then, hardly aware of her actions, she tenderly brushed her fingers against his cheek.

"You were so terribly injured. Your handsome face..."

Suddenly conscious of touching him, she uncomfortably withdrew her hand. Chakotay must have sensed her discomfort as he took her hand in his.

"I've always wanted to thank that woman for what she did for me, and I'm glad I've finally had the chance."

Kathryn squeezed his hand. "You saved me too. Without you to care for, I don't know what would have happened to me. You were my anchor, my rock..." She paused. "Just like you always have been."

They gazed into each other's eyes again and Kathryn could hardly breathe. His closeness, his hand holding hers, it was pure intoxication. Her eyes fell to his heart-shaped lips and she longed to lean in and kiss them, but just like she had so many times in the past, she resisted the desire. There was no command structure to separate them now, no reason at all why they couldn't be together, but after all that had passed between them, all the times she had held back from him on Voyager, did she really have any right to ask for his love now, just because she could? But if she didn't, if she didn't tell him now that she loved him, would she ever have the chance again?

Chakotay stepped away from her and held out his arm. "Shall we go to dinner?"

He waited for Kathryn to take his arm, as she always had in the past, but instead she just stood where she was.

"Not just yet," she said quietly. "There's something I..." She paused, struggling to find the words. "I know I have no right to say this after all these years, but if I don't say it now, I don't know if I will ever be brave enough again." She took a deep breath and summoned all her courage. "I love you, Chakotay. And I'm very much in love with you."

Tears filled Chakotay's eyes and he stood perfectly still, like a statue.

Kathryn turned away from him, already regretting her outburst. "And now I've gone and ruined everything and..."

Before she could say another word, Chakotay seized her and silenced her with a kiss. Kathryn gasped at the intensity of it and wrapped her arms around his neck as he deepened the kiss and drew her body against his. It was the kiss they had been denied for so many years, the kiss they had dreamed of, the kiss they had hungered for. It was the kiss of a lifetime.

At last they drew apart and gazed at each other as they tried to catch their breath.

"I love you too," Chakotay said, touching Kathryn's face with his fingers. "Gods, how much I love you."

Kathryn smiled joyfully and then hugged him close.

"I didn't know if you still did," she said tearfully. "After all these years..."

"I love you more, Kathryn," he replied. "I tried to move on, tried to get you out of my head and my heart, but I couldn't. I love you so much that being away from you these past few months has been a physical agony."

"For me too," she whispered. "I never want to be away from you so long again."

They held each other tighter, both cherishing the closeness of the other, and it was a long time before they drew apart. Gazing at Kathryn with so much love and joy in his eyes, Chakotay extended his hand to her.

"Now shall we go to dinner?"

Kathryn nodded and put her hand in his. "Let's go to dinner."

Chakotay smiled happily, kissed her hand, and then walked with her towards the castle in the golden glow of the setting sun.

**THE END**


End file.
